Redefining Valentine’s Day, According to Chantelle Otten
January 1 | 3 minute read
AS TOLD TO Arabella Roden
Originally published on | February 7
As a sex and relationship therapist, I find this broadening view of love heartening; it's a chance to celebrate not just romantic ties, but also to honour the roles of self-love and intimacy in our emotional and relational health.
In my practice, I've come to appreciate the myriad ways love manifests and influences our lives. This Valentine's Day, I invite you to join me in redefining its celebration – moving beyond the conventional to embrace a more inclusive, diverse and profound understanding of love.
From romantic partnerships to the most important relationship we have – with ourselves – this day offers a unique opportunity to explore love's limitless dimensions.
“Valentine's Day is more than a tradition; it's a vibrant reminder of the importance of nurturing our romantic and erotic connections, celebrating the love we share in all its forms."
Chantelle Otten
I advocate celebrating Valentine's Day not just as a token of tradition but as a reminder of the importance of active, creative expressions of love – especially in our increasingly passive social landscape.
So, I invite you to ponder how you can embody love this Valentine's Day, in ways that resonate with your values. Reflect on these prompts:
- Consider an act of kindness for someone you cherish.
- Think of ways to show gratitude to the significant people in your life.
- Revisit a personal hobby or interest as an act of self-love.
In therapy, I emphasise the importance of self-love as the bedrock of healthy interpersonal dynamics. This Valentine's Day, let's prioritise self-reflection and engage in practices that enhance our self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. By cultivating self-love, we prepare ourselves to engage in more fulfilling and authentic relationships with others.
Image credits: Rahel Weiss
Intimacy and connection
Intimacy, in its truest form, transcends physical closeness. It encompasses emotional, intellectual, and sometimes spiritual connections that foster vulnerability, sharing, and a deeper understanding between individuals.
Valentine's Day presents a unique opportunity to explore new facets of our relationships and ourselves, pushing beyond the familiar to discover new joys and ways of connecting. Here's how we can step out of our comfort zones:
Image credit: Morgan Pilcher
Couples in a long-term relationship: I often find that long-term couples benefit from exploring new fantasies or incorporating playfulness into their relationship. Open, honest communication about desires and boundaries can lead to exciting and rejuvenating experiences.
Newly dating or casual relationships: For those in the early stages of dating, I recommend using this day to surprise your partner with an experience that aligns with their interests. It's a wonderful way to deepen your connection and create shared memories.
Single individuals: Valentine's Day is an ideal moment for singles to practise self-love and self-care. Whether it's indulging in a spa day, enjoying a favourite meal, or exploring a new hobby, these acts of self-kindness celebrate the most enduring love – the one we have with ourselves.
Long-distance relationships: Technology offers long-distance couples the chance to share in the celebration. Planning a virtual date night or sending thoughtful gifts can bridge the physical gap, reinforcing your connection and commitment.
Couples with children: For parents, finding time to celebrate your relationship can be challenging. I suggest arranging for a babysitter and planning a romantic evening focused on reconnecting with each other. Simple gestures of love and appreciation can reignite the spark in your relationship.
Older couples: Those who have been together for a very long time can use Valentine's Day to reflect on their shared journey, revisiting cherished memories or creating new ones. These moments underscore the depth and resilience of your bond.
Valentine's Day is more than a tradition; it's a vibrant reminder of the importance of nurturing our romantic and erotic connections, celebrating the love we share in all its forms. This day invites us to embrace self-affirmation, deepen intimate connections and express heartfelt emotion, making every moment an opportunity to reignite the art of romance.
Whether through grand gestures or the small, everyday acts of kindness that often hold the most meaning, let's embrace this day with open hearts and minds, ready to explore the depth of our connections and the infinite possibilities they hold.
