There’s a quiet threshold teenage girls stand on – no longer children, not quite adults. It’s a space filled with contradictions: mess and beauty, confidence and doubt, loud laughter and silent ache. They’re figuring out who they are, and all they want is more space to breathe, to be, to discover who they might become.
I’ve spent the past eight years walking beside them through The Flourish Journey, listening as they navigate the in-between. What I’ve witnessed is a secret life, rich with emotional intelligence, hidden wisdom and deep desire for connection. They’re not just growing up; they’re growing into themselves.
There’s a quiet threshold teenage girls stand on – no longer children, not quite adults. It’s a space filled with contradictions: mess and beauty, confidence and doubt, loud laughter and silent ache. They’re figuring out who they are, and all they want is more space to breathe, to be, to discover who they might become.
I’ve spent the past eight years walking beside them through The Flourish Journey, listening as they navigate the in-between. What I’ve witnessed is a secret life, rich with emotional intelligence, hidden wisdom and deep desire for connection. They’re not just growing up; they’re growing into themselves.
When girls arrive at our workshops, they often carry invisible weights. They feel misunderstood by family, friends, teachers, even their digital worlds. They’re used to putting on the brave, smiley face. That’s what makes them feel safer in a world that asks for performance over presence.
But when we create a space where masks can come off, something powerful unfolds. Girls begin to realise they’re not alone in their insecurities, their questions, their tender doubts. They begin to embrace the imperfections of being human. They soften, then they rise.
There is so much they can’t control, the pressure to be successful, beautiful, ‘enough,’ according to algorithms and societal scripts. They’re aware that social media is a highlight reel, and they’re not victims to it, but the comparison still stings. The narrative still tells them to shrink, to silence, to perfect.
In that chaos, there’s also a deep hunger to be seen. But visibility can feel unsafe. To be seen is to be judged, to risk opinions, criticisms, even from the people they love most. So, they toggle between wanting to speak and wanting to stay silent. They protect themselves by dimming their light.
Many girls tell me they feel underestimated. Decisions are made for them. Opinions are handed down, not asked for. Their quietness is mistaken for lack of insight. Their smiles, a sign they must be fine.
But beneath it all, they’re deeply observant. They’re asking big questions about identity, justice, gender, the planet. They just need the mic more often. They don’t want to be managed they want to be met.
Sometimes they come across as shy, other times loud and comedic, the class clown. These archetypes are just protective layers. Underneath is the same longing: to be heard, to belong, to feel like they matter.
And when one brave girl speaks up, when she shares an opinion or story that’s raw and real, it’s like the whole room exhales. This is a common moment I witness in our workshops. One act of courage can shift the entire energy. A culture of truth and bravery begins to take root. They realise that being seen for your truth can feel terrifying but also profoundly liberating.
Many girls tell me they feel underestimated. Decisions are made for them. Opinions are handed down, not asked for. Their quietness is mistaken for lack of insight. Their smiles, a sign they must be fine.
But beneath it all, they’re deeply observant. They’re asking big questions about identity, justice, gender, the planet. They just need the mic more often. They don’t want to be managed they want to be met.
Sometimes they come across as shy, other times loud and comedic, the class clown. These archetypes are just protective layers. Underneath is the same longing: to be heard, to belong, to feel like they matter.
And when one brave girl speaks up, when she shares an opinion or story that’s raw and real, it’s like the whole room exhales. This is a common moment I witness in our workshops. One act of courage can shift the entire energy. A culture of truth and bravery begins to take root. They realise that being seen for your truth can feel terrifying but also profoundly liberating.
Teenage girls are wildly wise. They know they won’t get it right all the time, and they don’t expect to. But they do want understanding. They want room to try things on, to experiment with style, identity, values. They want to make mistakes without shame. What they ask for isn’t perfection, it’s compassion.
Friendship is their lifeline during their teenage years. It’s the glue that holds everything together. It’s where they’re free. Where they laugh uncontrollably, exchange inside jokes, share heartbreak and dreams. In our workshops, I see sisterhood flourish. When one girl cracks open, the others follow.
They begin to understand that their shared messiness is a kind of beauty. They redefine beauty, too. It might look like makeup tutorials or TikTok dances but it’s also in how they support one another, how they show up for their friends, how they learn to speak to themselves with kindness. What starts as playful expression becomes a mirror for who they are becoming.
And when we speak about self-worth, it’s never in a preachy, polished way. It’s real. Honest. Grounded. We talk about the mess of it, the process of learning to come back to yourself, again and again. They realise self-worth isn’t something you master; it’s something you grow into. They’re beginning to understand that their worth isn’t something to be earned, it’s something to come home to.
Girls want to spend time with you. So, ask them what they want to do, instead of dictating the plan. Get curious about their world. Watch the show they love, help them make a playlist, ask about the things they care about. And if they need space, give them that too.
They’re watching more than you think. One of the biggest things girls tell me is that they look up to their mums or mum-like figures even if they don’t always say it out loud. They want to see your humanness. In our mother-daughter programs, there’s always a turning point when perfection is dropped and vulnerability takes its place. That’s where connection is built.
Sharing stories, modelling softness and simply spending time together plants seeds of trust. You may not see the flower bloom right away, but it’s growing. Over time, they’ll open up.
Because beneath every trend, every scroll, every guarded smile there’s a teenage girl trying to become herself. And she doesn’t need fixing. She needs space. She needs to be asked what she thinks. She needs to be seen.
She’s not lost. She’s flourishing.
Ashani Dante is the founder and current board director of The Flourish Journey - a preventative mental health and emotional intelligence charity on a mission to foster a generation of empowered, resilient, and connected teenage girls through its school-based workshops. In this piece, Ashani draws on her 8-year experience working closely with teenage girls.
Ashani Dante is the founder and current board director of The Flourish Journey - a preventative mental health and emotional intelligence charity on a mission to foster a generation of empowered, resilient, and connected teenage girls through its school-based workshops. In this piece, Ashani draws on her 8-year experience working closely with teenage girls.
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A timeline of the moments that defined beauty culture from the 1900s to now.
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